holy week musings

Ever since I came to profess my non-belief publicly, I seem to have appeared as an antagonistic character in some people's (maybe even my family's) viewpoint. I, nonetheless, expected this kind of reaction because I understand that religion has a certain grasp on a person that would not allow their strong-held beliefs to quiver. In addition to that, there is also a widespread opinion about atheists being immoral and rebellious. People believe that in order to live a moral and honorable life, one has to have faith in certain divinities and be guided by its teachings. This sort of discrimination and bias is very much pronounced in our society especially in politics. Most people would not vote for an atheist running for a public post. Some states in the US prohibit atheists to hold a public office. And before, atheists are not even allowed to testify in court since they cannot swear to the bible. Reading history, studying the Constitution, and by simply living in a society made me aware of the consequences I would have to deal with in publicly professing my non-belief. Its not that I actively publicize my stance to the point of practically trying to convert people out of their own religious beliefs. I do post occasional articles and like materials in different internet mediums to give an alternative viewpoint or a different insight. However, it's not my goal to convert people out of their belief systems but for them to think critically and practice intellectual honesty. I don't "evangelize" because it's pointless and somehow presumptuous.

There were two people I encountered who somehow led me into this life stance: my history teacher back in high school and my Constitutional Law professor in Law school. The first one disturbed my idea of God, the trinity, and the creation of man. This eventually led to my great curiosity about religious doctrines and I relentlessly tried learning as much as I can about it while still maintaining to be a good Catholic. Although I found many good answers to my questions, I still did not let go of my faith because I am too afraid of living a life without God and I often thought that my life would be miserable and loathsome as God's punishment for my non-belief. I was young then. College was really a period of discovery for me. It was during my college days that I dabbled myself into different religions and religious teachings. It was a time of studying, learning, and analyzing. I read a variety of books, dig up the history of religion, and studied different philosophies. I learned for instance, about the history of Christianity and its many similarities with ancient or pagan religions. About Mithra, Horus, Osiris and how they connect with the Jesus of the bible. I joined several religious organizations and even took doctrine classes in one Catholic center for girls. It was during these times when I experienced the horrid practices and teachings of religion. At one time, a girl I went with to the center was told not to read Karl Marx and to let the priest do her paper for her. When I objected to this, I was told that I should understand because that girl doesn't have a strong faith yet and Marxist teachings might turn it into shambles. And since the priest was very much concerned of her soul, he offered to save her from such "satanic teachings". I found this utterly crazy and demeaning up until now. Religion always want people not to think for themselves. When I finally became a philosophy major, I somehow made a stand to myself to become a non-believer. I did not the like the term "atheist" back then because of its communist assimilations. I nevertheless kept this decision to myself and when people ask me about this topic, I would always answer in a way that would please them.
I don't especially like my Constitutional Law professor but he certainly made an impression on me. In the course of our discussions on the Bill of Rights, the non-establishment, and the free exercise of religion doctrines; we got to the issue of religion and religious tolerance. The discourse we had in class and the many materials he gave us made me even more resolute with the stance I chose. Many of my blockmates reconsidered their beliefs. Its a different story for me though. It gave me the moral courage to come out of the closet. I realized that I should be true to myself and for once just forget about what people would say. I knew that it would be difficult and people are bound to judge me but I already stopped caring. As long as I'm not hurting anyone and trampling people out of my way, there is nothing to feel ashamed of and be guilty about.

So when people ask me why I study the bible or watch the "senakulo", I always want to retort: how bout you? why do you study science and watch movies? Although I always want to maintain good relations with the people I deal with, I can't help criticizing the religious teachings that many of them adhere to. Some people take this as a personal attack which is really distressing because I have no such intention. Perhaps they are just being defensive because their esteemed religious faith is being questioned and they cant provide good answers that would make sense even to someone who does not believe. I do hope that people would keep an open mind. People I encountered who hold such strong beliefs expect people like me not to criticize their religious faith and just respect it. I believe in tolerance of other people's beliefs, but not respect. Respect needs to be earned and so far, no explanation earned my respect. Beliefs and claims are meant to be evaluated and analyzed, not respected. When a person claims to believe that he has a diamond the size of his refrigerator buried in his backyard without proving it, you don't expect people to respect his belief. Most likely, people hearing such claim would think that this person must be nuts. You can tolerate his delusional claim but you're certainly not obliged to respect it. One can always assume the preposterous for his own psychological or emotional purpose but when he starts to attach truth claims with it for the whole world to believe, he should not expect respect for such without any good evidence and good arguments to back it up.